Have you lost your mind?
by I-wish-Edward-was-mine
Summary: Okay...random thought I had. Carlisle decides to become a lumberjack, Jasper becomes emo, Emmett joins the cicus and Edward gets a sex-change! Short story, short chapters, etc.
1. Chapter 1: Carlisle's New occupation

Crazy Cullens

Crazy Cullens

Ch.1 – Carlisle's new occupation

"Hey Alice, Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie get out of that room, Edward, bring Bella as well, Esme, sweetheart, everyone, I need to tell you something." Carlisle said in a normal tone as he arrived home from the hospital. Edward came speeding down the stairs in his room, with Bella slung across his back. Rosalie appeared at the top of the stairs, obviously annoyed, and Emmett was right behind, his shirt off, exposing his enormous muscles, smiling his easy-going grin. Alice came skipping down the stairs holding Jasper's hand as he sweetly followed behind her. Esme was next to Carlisle's side in an instant, planting a kiss on his cheek. "Carlisle, darling, what is it? Esme asked tenderly. "I have decided to …" "Carlisle, you can't be serious! What are you thinking?" Edward interrupted obviously reading his mind. Now Alice foresaw what happened or will happen, she continued Edward's objections. "Carlisle, what impulses you do to this? Why?" "Okay for the rest of us how can't read minds or see the future, can you tell us what you're talking about?!" Rosalie said. "Ahem, I'm going to be a … LUMBERJACK!" "What!" everyone shouted, even though the vampires had no reason to being of excellent hearing. "I heard of one of the doctors saying that his son had said that his son had a wonderful time doing it…and I was hoping for some bonding time with my sons…?" he said trailing off. "Carlisle, not meaning to discourage you or anything, well actually I am, but that's beside the point; we have our "bonding time" as you put it, going out and killing stuff. I don't think we need any more bonding time." Jasper said. "Fine!" Carlisle said, being hurt, "Go enjoy your damn animal hunting "bonding time". I'm going to be a lumberjack! I'm going to have bonding time with myself! I'll go have FUN with myself, just me, myself, and I! I'll show you! You'll be so jealous when I'm having a blast cutting down trees and awesome things like that! You just wait! You'll see! I'll get you my pretty and your little dog too!" With that he stormed away to be a lumberjack.

**What do you think? Love it, Hate it? It's my first story! Please review! All reviews welcome! Cookies for reviewers! PS Sorry it's so short!**


	2. Chapter 2 Bear Wrestling

Ch

Ch.2 Bear Wrestling

Emmett's POV

Huh, Carlisle had a point; I mean he's pursuing his "dream". Why can't I do something that I want do? "Emmett, what are you thinking!" Edward yelled. Oh crap! I forgot Edward's always listening. He needs to get a life. "I have a life thank you very much! My life's filled with bunnies and unicorns," "Hey Eddie, what about me?" "Oh and Bella, and we love each other very much!" Yeah he always says that but when is he gonna do the dirty deed? Whatever, time to annoy Edward out of my head…

_I'm too sexy for my shirt too sexy for my shirt  
so sexy it hurts  
And I'm too sexy for Milan too sexy for Milan  
New York and Japan_

"EMMETT!"

Uh-oh.**  
**_F is for friends who do stuff together  
U is for U and me  
N is for anywhere and anytime at all  
Down here in the deep blue sea_

"EMMETT!F is for fire that I'll burn you with  
U's for uranium... bombs  
N is for no survivors when I..."

"Good job, Edward! You learned part of my song!"

"I'm going to kill you Emmett!"

"Sorry Edward! Uh…I love you; you love me  
we're a happy family  
with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you.  
Won't you say you won't kill me!" I said, already running.

…..

Later after Edward stopped chasing me for annoying Bella, or so he said! I heard her laughing! I'm not crazy! Now I'm sure Edward won't bother me, I must find a phonebook and the phone. I'm sure we have one of those around here somewhere, right?!

"Hello?" somebody on the other line asked. "Hello, I'm calling to see if you have any open positions on your team," I said. "Well that depends… what occupation do you have in mind?" Occupation? What does that mean? "Uh you mean jobs?" I asked. "Yes job, position, _occupation,"_ the woman said. "Well I'm quite experienced with bear wrestling…" Later, I hung up the phone and ran out of the room. Must find the others…

"Emmett, why did you decide to do this?" I frowned. Of course Alice already knew.

"ahem, now we know that Carlisle decided to become a lumberjack…" I trailed off as Edward stared at me in shock. "I'm gonna be a bear wrestler with the circus!" I said. "Emmett, darling, well you eat the bears." Esme said. "Don't worry, mom. I have it all worked out! I perform only every other show and I'll be able to keep my hunger in check." I grinned. " I didn't think that you thought it through, Emmett. I trust you Emmett." Esme finally said. "Well I don't! I'm coming with you Emmett!" Rosalie yelled. "Besides," she said, planting a kiss on his cheek, " I'm not letting you out of my sight!" And my new adventure began.

**So… what do you think? Love it? Hate it? Want more? I'm sorry it took a while for me to update it! P.S does anyone know how to change your screen name without making a new profile? If you do, please email me via by submitting a review. Mine's just too long for me! Hopefully the next chapter will be coming out this Saturday or sometime next week! Love, I-wish-Edward-was-mine**


	3. Authors Note: Blaming People

Please people

**Please people! I'm begging you! I need encouragement to write more of my story! I know that I haven't written in FOREVER but I need your support or I won't continue! Please? Pretty please with Edward Cullen and/or Jacob Black covered in chocolate? Mmm… yummy! P **


	4. Please Don't Hate Me!

Ah

Ah! Super sorry people! I love the reviews and such! THANK YOU SO MUCH! But here's the bad news: my life is really hectic right now so you might have to wait until this weekend or possibly next weekend! TT Again super sorry! Oh what would you like next? Jasper becomes emo, or an update on how everyone is? You know, Emmett at the circus, what's going on in peoples minds (Edward), and another one of Carlisle's freakouts, yes? Just if you decide of Jasper and his emoness, the next chapter after that will be a update! Now cast your vote! Xoxo and bunnies, I-wish-Edward-was-mine


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